If anything were to happen between us I would lose my job.’ It wasn’t that he didn’t want anything to happen between us. It wasn’t that he was worried about hurting Jonathan. He didn’t want to lose his job, his career, his purpose. ‘I’m sorry,’ I breathed, feeling the pain of having my heart broken twice in one week. ‘Maybe it would be better if we do this some other day,’ he advised, closing my notebook before sliding it along my desk. ‘I will stop, I promise.’ Although I wanted to feel his lips against mine, to feel his arms take me in, I rather pretend that nothing happened than to lose the little of him I had. ‘I want to hold you…kiss you, but we can’t. You understand, right?’ ‘I understand, but I don’t like it.’ He lowered his head and sighed. ‘I know. I don’t either.’ ‘Okay, let’s get this done,’ I groaned, opening my notebook. * * * * We were quiet on the way to his car. If I would have known the day would have ended like that, I would have had my mom pick me up. ‘Not. One was for the Hippy Market at Es Cana and I fancied going there. When we got back to the villa Ryan looked at a map and decided that it wasn’t too far to drive, so a couple of days later we got up early and set off. Ryan wanted me to be naked all day but eventually we agreed on me just wearing my swimming skirt and all my jewellery. Okay, I knew that the skirt doesn’t really cover me but at least it was something. I didn’t worry about my jewellery being on display because it was a hippy market. I suspected that there’d be quite a few people there wearing non-conventional clothes. I was right; some of the women there wore as little as I did so I didn’t feel out of place or under-dressed as we wandered round. There were some really nice clothes there, holiday clothes that I could never wear in England but I still bought a sort of bikini. It consists of 3 rectangles of material that just cover my interesting bits when I stand still. Of course Ryan wanted me to try it on; right there.
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